Beer Belly from Hell

 Posted by on 2010/06/15  Ask Guy  Add comments
Jun 152010
 

Guy,

I am absolutely ballooning with these f*cking trippies – as a man that’s given birth to quite a few things during your illustrious career as a male surrogate, do you have any advice as to how I can retain my manly figure AND prevent what can only be seen as “the beer belly from hell”?

You’ve done the lecture circuit peddling your carbon fiber girdle technology and I’m wondering if that might apply here.

Signed,

Weebling in Waltham

Written by: -

  One Response to “Beer Belly from Hell”

Comments (1)
  1. Dear Weebling in Waltham,

    Congratulations on your upcoming event. We receive many letters from men like yourself and I would like to send this message out to all of you in the hope that you will wake up everyday with this message of hope and find a “new you” just bustling inside belly waiting for the triplets to come out.

    First, Other men will quickly recognize this as “the final call to manhood” and be “oh so jealous!”. Ahhh, won’t that feel good!!

    The first place to start is “feeling good around your mate”, or are you still talking to that no good bas***rd who did this deed to you. If not, then that’s OK, you were too good for him anyway… except, wait a minute, a paternity test might actually point to you as dad anyway! Oh well, your mother always told you would go blind for such activity, CAN YOU READ THIS NOW ?

    Well back to looking good at home – start by proudly walking around, especially in front of windows. Go to the beach a lot. Show that tummy! This is part of the process of saying goodbye to that “manly figure side of you” that was the center of your public persona for so long. Say goodbye, that is gone forever. Give away your old shorts and pants away now – you’ll never fit into them again anyway – just let go of those old ideas of “what men do and how they should look”. That is so “not you” anymore. Think bulky sweaters with frolicking sheep on them – so calming, so “new you”.

    Now lets leave those petty feelings of surface beauty behind and look at the real you, the inner you. Oh honey, Let Go! It’s bigger than you and what others think doesn’t matter. Besides, after this birthing event, you’ll have a whole new set of guy-friends just like you to welcome to your social circle. My tips are: Keep a diary and share it often. Have bottle warming parties and find other men freshly-mothered and talk about all your personal amazing birthing events. Your stories may all sound the same, but they’re not – you are special and your story should be told as often as you get the chance. It’s your story – share it – men love that sort of thing.

    Last, have a party with friends, join society again – a man being pregnant with triplets is much more common than you think. Get away from the computer and get back to meeting people face to face. Expand your social network as you expand you adorable little tummy. This article on fun at parties may help and there’s a pretty “thin girl” in the video…

    So my little lucky one – its just you and your triplets now – nothing else matters. Chin up, tummy out, walk proud “for every step you take with tummy out and your head high is one big step for every pregnant man just like you!”.
    All the best,

    guyMystique

    PS: Tweet me from the delivery room – http://twitter.com/guymystique – share it all !! You are sooo special.

 Leave a Reply

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong>

(required)

(required)