Aug 142010

As a guy, I can say with honesty that I am affected by how my partner talks to me.  So in deference to ‘all guys’, I am going to review some of the words and phrases which can make any man smile with inner validation.

A situation:  When the guy is trying to help out or do something nice for you, don’t criticize him.  I guess us guys are a little like happy dogs.  You throw the ball, we retrieve the ball with tail wagging.  We’re sort of in a happy ‘pleasing you loop’ at this time.  We Men get confused when you try to correct us while they’re doing something nice just for you, or even for both of us in our relationship.  A recent example which happened to me was when I was at the sink cleaning up the pans and dishes. My partner came up to me while I was rinsing a pan and said “You never do the dishes!”   I simply said “That may be true, but could you please tell me I never do the dishes at a time when I am not actually doing the dishes.”  I figure you got to go with the flow on this one.  This then ended in a discussion where I was reciting facts and she was sharing feelings.

However, the point of this article is “Men have please words to lower stress also”.  That she could have said “Oh you’re wonderful”, or “Nice to see those big muscles scaring the grease right off those pans”, or “it takes exceptionally strong hands to rinse a slippery pan like that!”  …and then just given me a kiss on the cheek and left the room.  That is an example of pleasing words lowering stress.

As men, we have learned how ‘complimentary language’ to our ladies leads to their lowered stress.  We do, or should do it all the time.  We say her clothes look good, her hair looks great, that she is thin enough, and the house is so beautiful the way you have it arranged.  We take driving tips with a smile, turn down the stereo, and just love those bramble and lace sheets she bought for the bed.

So I suppose one could point out at this time that maybe us guys don’t need lowered stress in relationships.  Maybe it’s a little like ‘frogs in a pot of water on the stove’ thing. So at this point in the article, if your life is hunky dory then buzz off out of this article with a smile on that rough battle scarred face, you hunk you!

If you’re like the rest of us, then you know that causing stress causes headaches.  Use complimentary language all the time, and don’t forget to preach what you practice.  Yes, I think us guys should help our partners not push our buttons.  Even if they jokingly go back to the language they used in our flirting days that would be an upgrade to the present.  And why not ask for it, it takes two working at a relationship to make it work.

And now the warning statement:  Guys, if you are stressed out by the way your lady talks to you then you are vulnerable.  Sooner or later some other little hottie comes along that is just a “little bit more supportive than she is”.  She is really just trying to support you and wake you up.  Note, your vulnerability is taking the “pleasing way out”.


Written by: Emma - I am joining with GuyMystique to share what I know about men and women. Lets try this out.

  5 Responses to “Pleasing Words Lower Mens Relationship Stress”

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  1. oh, boo boo, that is SO sweet! yep sandwich: i take this into advisement, thank you.
    matter o fact when a recent awkward moment arose i prefaced my “how could we do this better?” with “i really feel yr gd intentions , so if i request a shift that makes yr offer easier for me to accept graciously, how does that sit (or fly) for you? ” too much sweetness suffocates authenticity in a vat of cake-frosting. too much devotion can lead to too much dependency and sense of indebtedness or over-entitilement or WHATever blocks HIS creativity and initiative. so i like to let him out/ off leash and see what he brings back.
    i like to surprise him w treats too, ever allowing that if it doesn’t suit his tastes ,he’s free to re-gift it. in fact, i’m not proud of having done ingrate /bitchy things, and i’m earnest about being more tactful. yet there is something to be said for intermittent partial reinforcement. psych 101 text sez so too. if he critiques me i aim to make best use of that info i can: growth opp’ty prevents defensive nega-loops and stifling boredom . he respects me more when i (respectfully) question his reasoning.

  2. Hi Kravanna’. so true amd toom….w Guys need time to roam in their own minds withoit gettibg chattered at by women. Some study very un’recent but still useful to considrr sez .. Women tend to use twice as many words as men do.

  3. who wrote it as ”the languages of love”..? could tell u, and quote it more accurately, but what i’ll volunteer here is that touch, tone, and actions tend to mean more than words . as with pets, we are doing in’vivo’ behavior modification experiments on each other. ever seeking to optimize the intermittent partial reinforcement. sleep and snugglage take over when sex and/or analysis of process exhaust the brainbody…

  4. washing the trash and taking out the dishes…those little things that make such a big gesture of teamwork. sound dull? well, get creative ,walk on yr hands, try it as a blindfolded three-.legged – race ,play treasure hunt! whatever blows yr boat, or floats yr skirt?

    just don’t wake the neigh’bore’s or the kids. this does not substitute for professional counseling nor dues it necessparily reprehense the views of our sponster.

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