As a guy, I can say with honesty that I am affected by how my partner talks to me. So in deference to ‘all guys’, I am going to review some of the words and phrases which can make any man smile with inner validation.
A situation: When the guy is trying to help out or do something nice for you, don’t criticize him. I guess us guys are a little like happy dogs. You throw the ball, we retrieve the ball with tail wagging. We’re sort of in a happy ‘pleasing you loop’ at this time. We Men get confused when you try to correct us while they’re doing something nice just for you, or even for both of us in our relationship. A recent example which happened to me was when I was at the sink cleaning up the pans and dishes. My partner came up to me while I was rinsing a pan and said “You never do the dishes!” I simply said “That may be true, but could you please tell me I never do the dishes at a time when I am not actually doing the dishes.” I figure you got to go with the flow on this one. This then ended in a discussion where I was reciting facts and she was sharing feelings.
However, the point of this article is “Men have please words to lower stress also”. That she could have said “Oh you’re wonderful”, or “Nice to see those big muscles scaring the grease right off those pans”, or “it takes exceptionally strong hands to rinse a slippery pan like that!” …and then just given me a kiss on the cheek and left the room. That is an example of pleasing words lowering stress.
As men, we have learned how ‘complimentary language’ to our ladies leads to their lowered stress. We do, or should do it all the time. We say her clothes look good, her hair looks great, that she is thin enough, and the house is so beautiful the way you have it arranged. We take driving tips with a smile, turn down the stereo, and just love those bramble and lace sheets she bought for the bed.
So I suppose one could point out at this time that maybe us guys don’t need lowered stress in relationships. Maybe it’s a little like ‘frogs in a pot of water on the stove’ thing. So at this point in the article, if your life is hunky dory then buzz off out of this article with a smile on that rough battle scarred face, you hunk you!
If you’re like the rest of us, then you know that causing stress causes headaches. Use complimentary language all the time, and don’t forget to preach what you practice. Yes, I think us guys should help our partners not push our buttons. Even if they jokingly go back to the language they used in our flirting days that would be an upgrade to the present. And why not ask for it, it takes two working at a relationship to make it work.
And now the warning statement: Guys, if you are stressed out by the way your lady talks to you then you are vulnerable. Sooner or later some other little hottie comes along that is just a “little bit more supportive than she is”. She is really just trying to support you and wake you up. Note, your vulnerability is taking the “pleasing way out”.