I was asked the other day why this guy’s girlfriend was always giving him grief every time he wanted to meet her at the rail station or store. She said it bothered her that he was doing “the puppy dog thing” and she “just needed space”.
I say “look here honey. You better learn those special “men pleasin’ words” you used to taunt men with back in your twenties. You know, complimenting him on his job, his muscles, his ability to melt you on a cold winter day. Men aren’t that real complicated, and pretty much from my perspective I get my men to give more than they receive, …and loven’ it while they’re at it.
So now’s the time for YOU to start saying “Oh Boo Boo, that’s so sweet you’re gonna meet me. I just need a couple minutes landing time before you start all huggin’ me”. And honey don’t worry if you’re late or whatever…, just support him when he tries to please you. Remember, better to have someone try to please you but not be good at it than the other way around.
Kravanna’s words to the wise: “Honey, Men get confused when you try to correct them while they’re doing something nice. Usually the end result is not good. Sooner or later someone else comes along that is just a “little bit more supportive than you are” and wake him up …and NOTE, he WILL take the “pleasing way out”.
And guys, here’s the relationship scoop. Are you being you? If you can’t be who you are now in the relationship, how is she ever going to know if she can live with who you really are then… How you act, how you think, and how you care for her have to be OK years from now, it’s not always going to be “the magic of today”.
Some review notes here: Guys, she’s the one who’s stressed and however that shows it can sometimes be “kick the dog”, …and you are the dog. It’s nothing about you sweetie, you just the one in her face at this time. Maybe she just wants a nap, or some space, or needs to change gears…
Women, you need to play the fluff up cards and make him feel good. If it bothers you, just say it …and then ADD “that’s so sweet you’re going to _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _”. And believe me, your guy can read this article just before you say that and he’ll still feel good about himself and the relationship. …stress over! …tempting fate over!
And both of you: Be yourselves now, talk about what doesn’t work. And most of all, Support each other in the “A for Effort” category. It’s like rating couples dancing on “form”…very pleasing and sensual, even if all the moves aren’t there…
RESOURCES: Kravanna is a new writer at guyMystique and takes questions at: kravanna.guyMystique at gmail.com
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Written by: kravanna - I am joining with GuyMystique to share what I know about men and women. Lets try this out.
oh, boo boo, that is SO sweet! yep sandwich: i take this into advisement, thank you.
matter o fact when a recent awkward moment arose i prefaced my “how could we do this better?” with “i really feel yr gd intentions , so if i request a shift that makes yr offer easier for me to accept graciously, how does that sit (or fly) for you? ” too much sweetness suffocates authenticity in a vat of cake-frosting. too much devotion can lead to too much dependency and sense of indebtedness or over-entitilement or WHATever blocks HIS creativity and initiative. so i like to let him out/ off leash and see what he brings back.
i like to surprise him w treats too, ever allowing that if it doesn’t suit his tastes ,he’s free to re-gift it. in fact, i’m not proud of having done ingrate /bitchy things, and i’m earnest about being more tactful. yet there is something to be said for intermittent partial reinforcement. psych 101 text sez so too. if he critiques me i aim to make best use of that info i can: growth opp’ty prevents defensive nega-loops and stifling boredom . he respects me more when i (respectfully) question his reasoning.
Hi Kravanna’. so true amd toom….w Guys need time to roam in their own minds withoit gettibg chattered at by women. Some study very un’recent but still useful to considrr sez .. Women tend to use twice as many words as men do.
who wrote it as ”the languages of love”..? weirdness.org could tell u, and quote it more accurately, but what i’ll volunteer here is that touch, tone, and actions tend to mean more than words . as with pets, we are doing in’vivo’ behavior modification experiments on each other. ever seeking to optimize the intermittent partial reinforcement. sleep and snugglage take over when sex and/or analysis of process exhaust the brainbody…
washing the trash and taking out the dishes…those little things that make such a big gesture of teamwork. sound dull? well, get creative ,walk on yr hands, try it as a blindfolded three-.legged – race ,play treasure hunt! whatever blows yr boat, or floats yr skirt?
just don’t wake the neigh’bore’s or the kids. this does not substitute for professional counseling nor dues it necessparily reprehense the views of our sponster.